Sunday, December 26, 2004

mushy fish

"sometimes.. in order to do what's right.. you must let go of the things you want.. even the thing you hold dear the most.."

why is it so tough to let go of a person you've fallen in love with?? i mean why can't you just save all the tears and not experience all the pain?? why cant i just let go??? uhmmmm.. ala na.. speechless na ko.. hehehe.. but seriously.. argh.. why cant it be just like the movies?? everyone stays happy.. no heartaches.. no heartbreaks.. everyone has his or her own happy ending.. drama drama drama..

its just this decision ive made a week ago.. its really bugging me.. it makes me think if what i made was right or wrong.. argh.. a friendly relatonship with her full of regret or an aloof realtionship with her in fulfillment that i told her how i really felt.. those were my choices.. siyempre.. i couldnt lie to her.. i had to tell her how i felt rather than pretend to have no feelings for her at all.. wasn't that the right thing to do?? to tell her the truth.. well.. that was it.. its done na.. a big part of me is still hoping for the impossible to happen as most people do.. most of my friends are getting tired of me contemplating all the time.. but i just cant help it.. it damn hurts.. ive fallen in love a lot of times.. but not like this.. so deep..

anyways.. im getting all mushy again.. grrrrr.. nyaha.. uhmmm.. even though i show the real me.. there are still some people who stay.. people who's always there for me no matter what.. nyaha.. mushy pa rin.. anyways.. thanks chill.. for being there.. for helping me and all.. uhmmm.. for understanding me din.. nyaha.. kahit lam mo na sobra na me.. you still stay.. thanks a bunch..

*sigh* as my shirt says.. nyaha.. i want to go back to school na.. i miss my blockmates.. both english and eco blocmates.. nyaha.. i miss everyone.. nyaha.. anyways.. time to read again.. till next time.. buhbye..

2 Comments:

just dropping by! hehe! i forgot your username...!!:D so obviously, i cant "tweak" (for lack of a better term) your blog, la lang, di kasi bagay yung background color dun sa font color and sa pic, hehe! just wanna make it into a darker color ^_^

siyet! ang mushy, ang senti! nakakaiyak! *gets a tissue* haayy, anytime dude, anytime, basta wag sobra ^_^ you take care now! ^_^

By Blogger chill, at 12:56 AM  

sorry, im not yet done, tinamad na ako ^_^ just tell me if you dont like it, we can always revert to the original one, it's no problem :D enjoy the rest of the holidays! ^_^

By Blogger chill, at 8:21 PM  

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Gloomy Christmas

they say that Christmas is a season to be jolly.. hmmmm.. i dunno.. its just that the few days have really been tough for me.. have a lot of things that keep running through my mind.. first of all.. i just want to say that celebrating Christmas with a broken family SUCKS!!! i mean you keep on thinking of the good times that you had as a complete family.. the dinner you had together.. the time you give gifts to each other.. the time you hug each other at the strike of midnight.. such things really add up which makes you be hard on yourself.. am i making any sense?? basta.. you know what i mean.. i dunno.. i just miss the old days i guess.. i miss my family together during Christmas season.. anyways.. there are more stuff that i have been thinking about.. uhmmm.. but i really can't share na.. its kinda so personal.. il try.. nyeknyek.. uhmmm.. how will i tell this?? sometimes there are things that a person omits or doesn't put into consideration because he is overwhelmed by the feeling of fulfillment.. lalim ah.. well let's just say ive been thinking and there a lot of things ive come to realize.. this is one of it.. ive come to realize that ive been too good to many people.. almost doing all the things they want me to do.. i really dunno.. maybe its wrong.. maybe its not.. i just love all my friends.. and i mean all of them.. grrrrrrrr.. its really confusing.. sometimes i dunno what's the difference between right from wrong anymore.. argh.. anyways.. that's all i can share for now.. off to reading again.. ive been reading a book to keep my mind off of the things i should'nt think about.. so til next time.. which is about a few minutes later.. nyaha..

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Thursday, December 23, 2004

party fish

ha!! at last.. im now officially resting.. nyaha.. im here na sa prov.. its kinda gloomy here pero i guess its for the better so i can really rest.. the past few days have been the most tiring but exciting days of my college life.. too many parties..
firstly, last thursday night was our block party.. well.. to tell you the truth.. it wasn't really what i had expected.. it was better.. much better.. everyone had fun.. im sure of it.. nyaha.. i was kinda late coz i had to buy one last gift at gale.. talk about major cramming.. buying a gift before the party.. hehehe.. but its okay.. coz its the most special gift.. hehehe.. afterwards.. i had to pick up nix and nathan.. so yun.. after.. we went to klart's na.. 1st impression of the place.. WOAH.. grabe.. speechless.. hehehe.. basta.. so cool.. so.. wen we arrived.. they were kinda watching a movie.. so we played billiards na lang.. saya.. hehehe.. after we got tired of waiting for our blockmates.. we ate na.. then.. the drinking started.. hehehe.. first we drank beer.. the deal was whoever who would finish his or her beer last would sing.. nyaha.. i guess i had the advantage.. i was the first one to finish my beer.. hehehe.. as i remember the last one was ialou, chill or ann.. cant really remember.. pero we all understood her naman.. coz she doesn't relly drink.. hehehe.. labo.. afterwards.. joey arrived with a bottle of tequila.. damn.. that was my first time to drink that.. and it was so much better than vodka.. hehehe.. basta.. after a few shots.. the girls were getting tipsy na.. so a bunch decided to swim na to relieve the intoxication(huh?).. hehehe.. so yun.. i wasn't supposed to swim.. being a fish and all.. always stuck in the water.. hehehe.. and besides i get sleepy everytime i swim.. but everyone agreed to swim.. i didnt want to be a KJ.. so i agreed to swim na rin.. so yun.. when i got dressed.. i said to myself that il swim after a few minutes coz i just removed my shoes.. but.. grrrrrr.. klart pushed me to the pool.. with my shirt on.. argh.. i made her believe that i still got my cellphone with me.. and she did.. she was asking for it.. hehehe.. but i told her na it was in my bag.. we both laughed.. so.. being the fish that i am.. i enjoyed every minute in the water and swam a little bit.. after.. i got up and dried up.. had a few more shots of tequila.. (damn.. those things are addictive..) and bonded with a few blockmates who were up.. after we finished the whole bottle of tequila.. a bunch of us decided to buy some more.. so we asked jd's driver to buy us some rhum and coke.. (talk about mixed drinking.. nyaha..) wait.. talking about jd.. damn.. this dude was so drunk even before the party had started.. he was the one who arrived late yet he was the first one to get tipsy.. he was shouting and all.. nyaha.. i guess that's just how he deals with his problems.. damn.. anyways.. when the rhum and coke arrived.. only us dudes drank.. after.. all of them went inside and started singing.. i remained outside to continue on drinking.. hehehe.. after i went inside na rin coz they said they wanted to play truth or dare.. damn.. talk about being in the hot seat.. anyways.. basta.. yun na yun.. as the hours passed.. we were getting fewer and fewer.. finally.. i decided to give my most special gift na.. so yun.. that was the first time for two months that we talked.. and i was happy.. being the mababaw that i am.. after.. the girls wanted to rest na so we decided to leave na.. i slept at around 3:30 na.. so.. one down..
the next night, i spent it with my friends in my old neighbourhood.. nothing much.. just a few beers and a few stories.. damn.. that makes me miss my old house.. anyways.. two down..
saturday night.. debby's debut.. it was held in big kahuna in eastwood.. can i just say na ang kulit ni joey.. i mean kulit in a good way.. she livens the party up.. nyaha.. i was looking for alcohol that night but all i got was iced tea.. grrrrrr.. pero masaya naman eh.. bonding pa rin.. kulit mo talaga joanna ruaro!!! hehehe.. three down..
the next night.. mars' debut.. another night in eastwood.. but this time in blue onion.. now.. even though we were only a few of us there.. alcohol was present.. my night is complete.. it was pretty much the same as the other night.. however, there was dancing.. i danced.. yeah i did.. and i don't know why.. i was shocked myself.. nyaha.. i was also with chill that night.. and i must say.. chill=good dancer.. nyaha.. she is.. nung other night niya pa gusto sumayaw eh.. she was really alive that night than before.. maybe its really because of the dancing.. hehehe.. well.. masaya rin ung party.. pero nothing much happened pa rin.. so.. four down..
monday night was my last party.. it was with my high school barkada.. damn.. i miss those guys.. we drank tequila.. nyaha.. after a few drinks.. we were catchn up on old times.. pero i was shocked when they asked me a bunch of questions that i didn't expect they'd ask.. hahaha.. pero masaya.. i went home the next day na and rested the whole day..
you'll see na i didn't write much on the other parties unlike the one with my block.. i guess its just that i anticipated it the most and expected less from the rest.. i dunno.. basta.. il continue na lang next time.. its kinda long na eh.. okieokie.. buhbye..

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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

fishing

hmmmmmm.. well.. today is a very sad and boring day.. i just found out that one of my blockmates has a bit of misunderstanding with another blockmate.. tpos prang his feeling for another blockmate faded away.. i really dunno the reason.. but what he said was "if she's not right for me, then i just have to let go. hindi na kailangan pilitin pa ang ayaw" argh.. afterwards, i had my contemplating moments again.. it makes me think a lot.. maybe he's right.. maybe if you're not meant to be, it really won't happen.. maybe the only thing to do is just let go and leave her in peace.. maybe continuing on holding unto her will just worsten things and hurt real bad much than before.. i guess.. maybe.. just maybe.. i just have one question though.. how do you let go and forget a person that you've learned to love? a love that is so deep that it hurts so bad each passing day.. i know it sounds crazy for a lot of my friends.. i know 4 months may seem so fast.. but i really cant explain.. some say its just an infatuation.. to tell you the truth.. it really isnt.. for 4 months i have learned to love her without even thinking that she won't love me back.. but i guess sometimes.. that's just how love works right? i mean sometimes love just wont work everything out if two are not meant to be.. most people say that you hurt the one you love and love the one who hurts you.. i guess its true.. but i just want to know why? why cant it work so easily? why cant we experience what we want? i guess those things only happen in a dreamworld.. or maybe in a movie.. we have to face the reality that there is a person for us.. and a person who isn't.. *sigh* love works in mysterious ways.. nyaha.. labo.. anyways.. im getting mushy again.. argh.. its just that i want to help this blockmate of mine whose having a bit of a problem.. i want to fix every problem between my blockmates.. grrrrrrrr.. that's another problem of mine.. im good at helping people.. however, i cant even help myself.. am i wierd or what.. anyways.. one of my blockmates is still pissed of at me.. i guess i was pushing her too hard.. i only considered my feelings and ignored hers.. damn.. im so stupid.. its so hard to deal with such things.. but i really want to settle everything.. why cant everything be like before? its so tough.. i want everything to be resolved.. i know its my fault.. argh.. sometimes.. i just want to fly away from all of this.. live alone and start a new life.. but one cannot run from his problems.. he should take full responsibility and fix everything up.. mushy mushy mushy.. well.. i guess that's it.. i just want to let everything out.. anyways.. i hafta study na.. buhbye.. til next time..

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

paranoia..

i was really paranoid last night.. i dunno why.. but i just had this feeling na somethings not right.. ewan.. sobrang labo.. that was so stupid.. i think i even pissed off my friend.. if youre reading this.. im so sorry.. i was really paranoid.. that really wasnt right.. sorry sorry sorry.. anyways.. i just got home.. im so tired and i cant rest.. hafta do 2 papers and a project proposal for our org.. damn i almost forgot.. the peer evaluation for my partner.. argh.. so that makes it 3 papers and a project proposal.. too many paperworks.. i cant even imagine how im going to do this.. im so tired.. yesterday was our last swimming competition for the year.. and i still feel my whole body aches.. even though.. i did have fun.. my team mates were very supportive and we were bonding the whole time.. nyaha.. ang saya.. i got to know my team mates very well.. especially mica.. hehehe.. now ko lang nalaman na classmate pala siya ng cousin ko nung high school for 4 years straight.. talk about being in a small world.. hehehe.. so ayun.. after that comps.. etition.. im so messed up.. that competition was the most tough one.. argh.. pero it was really fun.. hehehe.. labo.. maybe the being so tired part added to me being paranoid.. maybe.. dunno.. anyways.. hafta start muh papers na.. til next time na lang.. pahabol lang.. im really sorry for last night.. sorry talaga..

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Friday, December 10, 2004

happy happy happy!!

nyaha.. im soooo happy.. nagtext na siya.. well.. its kind shallow.. pero saya talaga eh.. wonder when will we have the chance to talk again.. hmmmm.. for now il just wait.. anyways.. just got home from muh uncle's wedding.. grabe.. im sooo tired. i have a competition pa tom.. grrrrrr.. well i guess thats how it is.. argh.. im so stressed out.. too much work.. need to rest a lot.. have lots to pass this week.. i really need a break.. anyways.. cge im gonna sleep na..

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Monday, December 06, 2004

1st entry

wow.. muh 1st entry.. nyaha.. la lang.. hmmmm.. wut to put.. wala lang.. all i can remember this day is that super, as in super hard training.. grabe.. sobra.. muh whole body's aching right now.. nyaha.. un na muna.. need 2 rest na..

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